Understanding Same-Sex Attraction

Why are we the way we are? Why are we attracted to the people we are attracted to? Some say it goes all the way back to the moment of conception and that our attractions are implanted in our genes. Others say we were raised a certain way and that our experiences or how others viewed us growing up, caused us to be one orientation or another. Whether you believe in one or the other, it is important to look at the research to understanding the why of this situation and how it is affecting people’s lives on a daily basis.

Let’s first dive into some potential contributing factors that can help us to better understand same-sex attraction. There are several very dominate factors that research has helped to lead us to and help to attempt to explain these attractions. The first one being wounded gender identity. When a person has a hard time identifying with their own gender at a young age, it sparks confusion inside of them and can lead to misunderstandings in the future. This of course leads to bullying. When a child does not fit in with their own gender at a young age, children tend to not understand this, and they make fun of them or exclude them from their activities. For instance, if a young boy is not seen as very athletic or into sports but more into art or making things beautiful, they are mocked and made fun of because of how “girly” they are acting. This leads to confusion in the child’s brain about who they are and who they identify with.

Not only are there problems in the school setting that will cause lifelong effects, but also the home. In fact, the home is the place that can really make or break a child. Focusing on the environment that has been explained as the reason for Gay people, a home where a child is hungry for their father and a strong connection with him. When the father is not always in the picture as much as he should be, the lack of physical touch or affection shown from a man role model in the life of the child can cause the child to desire that affection and touch more than usual. So much so to the point where the child becomes confused and mistakes this desire as a sexual desire. Often times the child is just wanting to be accepted by his own gender. He wants to feel accomplished and wants other boys or men in his life to be proud of himself and his accomplishments. If these needs are not met at a young age, they can and are often mistaken as sexual feelings in later years to come. The lack of this affection can lead inappropriate physical touch. Whether it be not being touched at all or hungry for that physical connection. Everyone needs physical touch and longs for it. If a child is not given it when their development needs it most desperately, there will be definitely be long term affects. We all need healthy connections with those around us.

One of the most dangerous motivators or pushes for these same gender relationships is pornography. This tool can help to push anyone over the edge and mistake simple feelings of longing to sexual desires. Whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or anything else, pornography is a dangerous thing that should be avoided at all costs. It has no positives for any of us and can only help to tear families apart and causes confusion and chaos within a family. If we can figure out the causes of different sexual orientations, therapist can isolate this one cause and help the person to overcome these unwanted desires if that is what the individual wants. 

Whatever you believe when it comes to same gender attraction, this is my personal take on these potential factors that contribute to same gender attraction. If you take nothing else from this, just remember to not judge or be rude to others who may be different from the norm. You never know what someone is going through and what it could mean to them if you accepted them for who they are and were a friend. Remember, it is not our place to judge.